Let’s be honest: not all streaming apps deserve to exist.
I’ve downloaded, opened, cursed at, and deleted more than I care to admit. Some I stuck with for a few days. Some didn’t last 15 minutes. A few broke my soul while I was just trying to watch binge tv in peace.
So here it is. A list no one asked for but everyone needs:
The Top 5 Streaming Apps, Ranked by How Quickly I Gave Up.
🥇 #1: Paramount+ — 9 Minutes of My Life I’ll Never Get Back
Gave up time: 9 minutes, but emotionally I left sooner
This app is hot garbage.
It buffers when I breathe. It crashes if I look at it wrong. And the worst part? I like the content! I want to watch live soccer (or fine, futbol), but Paramount+ acts like that’s a personal attack.
What broke me: A Champions League match buffering mid-penalty kick. I aged 12 years. And then the app crashed. I had to Google the score while rebooting the Roku.
🥈 #2: Tubi — No, I Will Not Sign In
Gave up time: Two commercial breaks and a tantrum
I don’t want to make an account to save my spot, Tubi. I just want to watch Snakes on a Plane while eating lunch like a normal person.
You’re literally owned by Amazon—how do you not just use my Prime settings? The streaming tv experience here is like being yelled at to register for a Blockbuster loyalty card in 2025.
What broke me: The fifth unskippable commercial in 20 minutes. For a product I already bought. On mute.
🥉 #3: Prime Video — Powered by Confusion
Gave up time: 72 hours and several identity crises
I have an Alexa-powered TV. So why do I have to manually open Prime Video to watch Prime Video content? Why is the layout different on every device? Why does it feel like a mid-2000s DVD menu?
What broke me: Saying “Play Reacher” out loud and watching Alexa open YouTube instead. Also: banner ads. Banner. Ads.
#4: Peacock — Chaos in 1080p
Gave up time: Three episodes and an emotional breakdown
Peacock is the only streaming app that makes me nostalgic for buffering on LimeWire.
Finding a tv show here is like playing a scavenger hunt on a broken interface. Every click is a gamble. Will the episode start? Will the app crash? Will it buffer like I’m on dial-up? Spin the wheel and find out.
What broke me: Clicking “resume” and getting dumped into the credits of a random episode from season 4. I was on episode 2.
#5: Apple TV+ — Beautiful. Useless. Frustrating.
Gave up time: 5 days of hope followed by rage
Look, the content is excellent. But the app? It’s like they designed the UI to win awards, not to actually be usable.
What broke me: I follow an MLS team. I added the games to “Up Next.” But when game time came? No notifications. No banner. Not even a whisper. I had to search manually like it was an old torrent file.
Also: why is every button a mystery? Why do I feel like I need a Sherpa to find episode 3?
Honorable Mention: Max (Formerly HBO Max. But also just… HBO Max again)
Max didn’t make the top five because it’s barely functional these days. But I don’t trust it.
They’ve renamed it more times than I’ve reorganized my watchlist, and somehow, even after all the rebrands, it still crashes if you scroll too fast.
Still holding on, but just barely.
In Summary: I’m Tired
I just want to sit down, turn on the TV, and binge tv shows without needing a UX degree, a decoder ring, and two-factor authentication.
Streaming apps were supposed to simplify everything. Instead, they’ve introduced a new form of spiritual suffering.
If you need me, I’ll be rewatching 9-1-1 on the one app that hasn’t tried to gaslight me yet. (Looking at you, Hulu. You’re on thin ice.)
Related Chaos Worth Clicking
- Streaming TV Should Be Simple, But Here We Are
- I Tracked My TV Habits with Hobi… and Apparently I’ve Watched Over a Year of Television. Whoops.
We hate ads, too. But unfortunately, none of the streaming platforms accept sarcasm as payment.
