Let me start by saying: this app doesn’t know everything.
But it knows enough to mildly roast me.
According to Hobi—a TV tracking app I downloaded in the name of organization and absolutely not obsession—I’ve now logged 549,424 minutes of TV. That’s 11,831 episodes across 146 shows and 683 seasons. Or, if you’re the kind of person who finds comfort in full immersion: 1 year, 16 days, and 13 hours of continuous television.
And before you judge me, I’ve been watching television since I was five. So we’re talking 45 years of curated chaos, okay? Sitcoms, serialized medical dramas, late-night satire, dystopian nightmares—I contain multitudes.
My Streaming Resume (According to Hobi)
Let’s just break down what the app thinks is representative of my viewing habits:
- Doctor Who – New reboot. Still weird. Still great.
- Desus & Mero – Yes, I’m deep in the archive. This is journalism.
- Rick and Morty – Look, I only have four left. I’m savoring it, okay?
- The Simpsons & Family Guy – I respect longevity. 1 episode left of Family Guy and only 3 left in The Simpsons—which, frankly, feels historic.
- The Handmaid’s Tale – Dystopia with a side of trauma. Currently crawling through Season 5. Slowly. Because emotional damage.
And then there’s the randomness:
- Poppa’s House, The Rookie, FUBAR, Georgie & Mandy, Last Week Tonight, and Welcome to Wrexham, which is giving me sports feelings I wasn’t prepared for. Still not over Episode 4×06, by the way.
I’d love to say this app is catching everything, but we all know it’s missing the 1980s Saturday morning cartoon block, endless Nickelodeon reruns, and that time you watched E.R. from the beginning during a flu-ridden January. Hobi doesn’t know about the bootleg DVDs. It doesn’t know about syndication.
But I do.
Favorite Genres? Apparently, I’m Predictable.
According to Hobi, I’m a Drama–Comedy hybrid.
Big surprise. My top shows ping-pong between:
- “This is devastating and I need a support group”
and - “That was petty and hilarious and I’m going to rewatch it immediately.”
Basically, if the show involves someone crying in a hallway or a snarky voiceover, I’m in.
What This All Really Means
Do I feel judged? Absolutely.
Do I plan to stop? Not even a little.
Let’s be honest: TV is therapy. It’s escape. It’s noise when the world gets too loud. It’s where I go to feel things safely—from the absurd to the devastating. I may not have a PhD, but I’ve spent more time analyzing character arcs than most tenured academics.
I didn’t ask to be perceived by an app. But I was. And I’m sharing it, because if we’re going down, we’re going down together.
So whether you’re working through your ninth attempt to finish The Handmaid’s Tale, catching up on The Rookie, or wondering if it’s too late to start Suits: LA (it’s not, but also maybe?), I salute you.
We’re all just out here trying to make peace with our Watchlists.
📺 Want to see what I’m watching next?
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